Dear Freddie
by PurpleBacon
Summary: Sam decides to leave after all. She give Freddie a reminder of her with a little letter.
1. Chapter 1

Sam has so much more to say. I hope this is okay for you. I tried to be Sam

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Dear Freddie,

Hey, it's Sam.

So, I left. Just like Carly did. I don't know why, but I took Carly leaving as a sign. Without Carly, what would I do in Seattle? There's nothing new to discover and I just want a new beginning. So, I'm gone and if you're wondering where I am – I have no idea. I packed my things and left on my motorcycle to some place that I'll soon know.

Everything just happened so fast. One moment, Carly was here and now she's off to Italy. One moment, iCarly was going on and now it's done. One moment, I didn't own a vehicle and now I do.

One moment, I had you and now you just seem so far away.

I saw Carly kiss you and I saw you pump your fists in joy, and I just couldn't bear it. Carly didn't tell me about, you didn't and I just wanted to have someone to trust when it came to love. I thought Carly would leave you and I didn't have to worry about having my heart broken again by my best friend. I thought you would have lost all feeling for her.

And I was okay with living a life not yours, but I don't think I can handle a life with you holding someone else's hand.

You know, when you said that maybe if I became normal and you became more abnormal, we might have gotten together. Well, I held on to that. I tried, Freddie. I tried to be nice to everyone. I tried to fix my bad manners. I tried to be normal. For you. And I really hoped that you were doing your share on our promise, but it just seemed like you forgot that we ever dated, that we actually had feelings for each other. You told me your crush on Carly was back and I told myself to just stop, that I'm just getting too attached, that I'm holding on to a thread so thin, that this love is only one-sided and there's no chance fighting for it.

But I couldn't let go, no matter how I tried. I couldn't avoid you. Everything reminded me of you and I just stopped trying and just went with the flow because maybe thing's will just take their turn for me. I was tired, Freddie. And you had no idea.

But despite all that, Benson, I'll miss you. I'll miss our stupid fights and silly arguments. I'll miss you being my punching bag. I'll miss laughing at you as I steal your stuff. I'll miss blackmailing and pranking you and watching you look for your things that I've hidden. I'll miss our intellectual conversations. I'll miss our sorries and kisses. I'll miss your arms and the smell of your perfume. I'll miss your voice telling me nice things and talking back with some lame comeback and that glint in you perfect brown eyes when you talk nerdy things I never understood but actually liked and I'll just really miss you so much.

Freddie, you know that I've always been second best to Carly. I was never the girl that would catch your attention. I was never the first choice. I was the one hiding behind the curtains as Carly danced in the spotlight. Each guy and girl who ever wanted to be friends with me only ever really wanted to be with Carly. Hell, even my mom liked Carly more than me. And maybe that's how the walls started forming because I didn't want to get hurt, because I couldn't ever trust anyone.

But you came into my life and chose me over Carly and for once, I felt perfect and I forgot about the long list of flaws I have and I felt invincible emotionally and I just felt really happy to be standing center stage in someone's life.

But when I think it over, was it worth changing those flaws just to have you in my arms again? Freddie, I'll never be Carly. I'll never be the girl you dreamed of marrying. I won't be any as close to that. And I don't even know if you loved me because I kissed you and you just really liked having a girl kiss you or if you loved me because I softened up and it reminded you of Carly or did you ever love me because I was Sam? You can't ask me to be perfect, Freddie and I can't ask you to be imperfect.

But thank you for bringing out the good in me. Thank you for being there for me in my worst times and thank you for loving me. Thank you for being my punching bag and tolerating me. Thank you for being my friend and for not abandoning me. Thank you for being my first kiss and for keeping secrets. Thank you for being the first boy to make me feel special. Thank you for being Freddie, Freddie.

I love you, Freddie. I meant what I said that night. I hope you did because I believed you. And I'll hold on to the thought that you do love me, because I can't bear not to. You're on me like a tattoo, Fredward.

So, Freddie, I'm not leaving for you, or because of you. I'm leaving because I have to. You've contributed to the reason of my leaving, but I think I have to find something better for me. I'm leaving for me and I have a good feeling about this. I'm moving on, slowly but surely and I'll try my best to let go of you, because it's for the best. I know that maybe I'm just doing without thinking again, but sometimes you have to. Like you said, I'm insane.

And I'll skip the part where I'll say that I'm not actually leaving because I'll always be in your heart, because it's your choice to keep me or to set me free.

Maybe one day, years from now, we'll see each other walking down the street with your arm around another girl's shoulder and my fingers intertwined with some guy's fingers. I'll say hi and we'd do some small talk and we'll forget about all the feelings we've ever had and I'll be okay.

And if you come looking for me, I'm not gonna stop you because it's your choice. I'm leaving this all to chance, Freddie. And if you really meant what you said that night and you still do love me, then maybe, you have to because aren't we both insane. But sort it over, Benson. Who do you really love and why?

So, this is it. This is Sam Puckett, your enemy, your frenemy, your friend, your lover, your very own memory.

Tell Spencer and Gibby that they're the best and that I'm okay and I love them and to stay the same.

See you soon, Fredward. Thanks for the memories.

I hate you.

Love, Sam

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PLEASE REVIEW COOKIES TO THOSE WHO DO EVERYONE LOVES COOKIES


	2. Dear Sam

i'm still like pissed at freddie so i accidentally on purpose made him act like an asshole at the first part all angry at sam at the rest when he should really be cowering in fear, but whatever

YES I AM MAKING SAM'S RESPONSE TO THIS and i'm prrobably gonna put significant moments in his search for Sam :)

this accidentally came out longer than expected welp here we go

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Dear Sam

Here you go again, just doing without thinking. Sam, did you even think about this for one second or did you just hop on your motorcycle and run off to who-knows-where you are now?

Sam, I don't understand why you would leave just because Carly left. We're all going through brand new beginnings, Sam, but you don't see us running away. All these signs could have meant for you to turn a new leaf or something, but not move to another continent without telling any of us.

Did you even think about us when you left? How do you think we'll be living like without Carly and you? We've already gotten the business of worrying and missing Carly, but now we have to do the same for you too. Sam, without you, Gibby and I would probably be the main target for bullies now. Gibby would become even weirder without anyone scolding him. Spencer would be pained. He'd just lost his little sister, and now he's lost you- the closest thing he ever got to another little sister. Spencer's always been the father figure for you, Sam, and now he's got no one. Sure, he's got Gibby and I, but even I know that you could be the only replacement for Carly. friendYou've put all of us in a bigger rut than we already are.

And what about me? You're my best friend. You're the one that's kept me laughing and happy. You're the one that I would always count on. You're the one that would light up my day with your witty jokes that I was always jealous of. You're the one that reminded me of all the beautiful things inside each of us. You're the one that opens my eyes to so many wonderful, profound things. Each day, I'd look forward to seeing you and talking to you, because you always left me wanting more. How do you expect me to live without you?

Did you even think about that, Sam?

Did you even think that the reason I pumped my fists in joy when she kissed me was that I realized that my love for her was no more? She kissed me, Sam, and I felt nothing! The girl that I have been chasing around for half my life kissed me just before she left to another world and I was supposed to be ecstatic that I was special enough to get a kiss. But, no, when she kissed me, it felt like kissing a rock.

And you're asking me if I meant what I said that night? Sam, I said it first to you!

Just remember it really clearly and vividly in your head.

"Hey. I love you."

I meant it with everything in me, Sam. I've never been as happy as I was when I was with you. You made me feel special. I've always been the lame nerd at the corner, waiting for some girl to talk to me because I never plucked up the courage to do it myself.

Sam, you kissed me that night and it was like a fire so wild and raging just lit up in me and it all felt so surreal and beautiful and great. But you ran away and you left me with 3 days to think about you and only you. That's when I realized that I love you. And I saw you in that Mental Hospital and you have never looked so beautiful. I felt myself drawn to you, like electricity.

Have I been doing my share in that promise? Sam, I've been trying so hard. Except, I have no idea how! What the hell is abnormal? What the hell is change? Is it being like all those other guys that walk around, feeling as if they're the kings of the world? Because, that's what I did, but I guess it was wrong to try. Sam, I have no idea at all what to do to become like you.

Sam, let's face it. We did ask for change. When I told you that maybe one day when you'd be normal, and when you told me one day when I'd be abnormal, we would get back together. And we've both been trying so hard to do exactly that Sam- change for the other person's sake. We did it because we wanted to be with each other, Sam! We both wanted to be in love with each other.

But, Sam, I don't want you to change any more as you want me to change. If you changed, you wouldn't be the Sam I fell in love with. I don't want to fall in love a Carly, there are so many Carlys in the world! I don't want you to become one of them at all. I want, no, need a Sam. A Sam that can knock out a truck driver with a carton of milk, a Sam that doesn't care what others think of her, a Sam that gives you a kiss with a fist. That's the Sam I need.

Sam, I don't want you to change. You don't want me to change. I agree with you it wasn't worth the change, wasn't worth the wait, wasn't worth the break-up.

If we just listened to our hearts and not what Carly said, we could have still been together and I'm sure we could have sorted out our differences. Sam, I want us to be together.

Please don't let go. Please don't move on.

I won't say how much I'll miss you. Not yet. Because I'm going to look for you, Sam. No matter how hard it is or how long it will take. I'll cross the whole world to get to you.

I'm never letting you go. I'll hold you in my heart because you're my tattoo.

And I'm yours.

Wait for me, Sam. Please.

So, who do I love and why?

I love you, Sam. I love you because you're you. I love you because you torment me and laugh about it. I love you because you get that sorry looks in your eyes when I ignore you. I love you because you made me feel special. I love you because you're strong and gorgeous and angelic. I love you because you've opened my eyes to so many things. I love you because you made me such a better person. I love you because you're my life.

See you soon, Sam.

I love you.

Hate, Freddie

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YES GOOD OKAY that was it i'm sorry it kinda sucked welp um I'm gonna be doing a We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together and like 100 words with a maximum of 5 sentences for each word and probably a fluff based on 7 things? and an alternate ending woop woooop See you soooon!

Reviews are equivalent to one virtual cookie! Imagine it in your favorite flavor now, dipped in rich, creamy chocolate and you could top it off with some mini marshmallows wooot woot :)


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